where am i from again
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
