So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
