i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
