hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
