break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
