There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
