You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm sobbing to NWA
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