is your mom at the bar?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
