I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
how drunk are you?
Several
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
