Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
