FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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