Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
