Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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