I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
