There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
