Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
