I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
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