she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
