and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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