So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
