I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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