Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
