Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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