why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Of course I have a pirate flag
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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