Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
