is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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