Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
