You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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