idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
