I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
