whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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