Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
