I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
