Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
