three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just googled if crying burns calories
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
