Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
