I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
