yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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