you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
