Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
