I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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