90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
But theres a keg here and me gusta
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
