On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
