She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
