scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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