It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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