she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
