You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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