There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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