I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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