Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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