3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
