Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
