If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
