just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
